and maybe i was just dreaming out loud...

if we're only looking back, we will drive ourselves insane 

as frienship goes, resentment grows

we will walk our different ways. 

but these are the days that bind us together, forever

and those little things define us, forever 

forever 

// bastille, "bad blood" // 

for a second there, 

I thought you were home. 

after all those lonely nights 

i tossed and turned 

sifting all my dreams 

through the sheets, 

i thought 

i had finally come home 

to dust carved tables and chairs 

and lattice window sills that 

needed a good cleaning.

// and then i left again // 

and things c o l l a p s e d 

into what they always 

had been. i knew 

that they would

when i stepped out the door 

for the last time, 

just as strongly 

as i knew i was falling in love

every time i stepped through the 

threshold. 

(i was fighting hard not to

but falling more and more in love 

every time that door swung open 

and creaked shut, 

was hopelessly inevitable). 

 yet i knew, it wouldn't 

always be this way. 

// it couldn't be. //

i was the impossible girl after all.
but it's still a hard thing to swallow 
when home shuts as easily 
as the leaves of a book 
when that front door slammed 
behind me for the last time. 

life would change, 
or settle back into what you 
call normalcy, 
when i stepped out again 
just as quickly as i came. 
i would start living my life 
in pieces again. 
yes, i would live in the past, 
and you? you would be well 
ahead in the future. 

and you know what happened?
just that.

and maybe it was all just in my head. 

maybe that home really didn't/doesn't 

exist anywhere else except for 

my journal pages and 

the instagram photos 

and the facebook statuses - 

in the fading past that is better 

locked up in the dusty attic. 

maybe i was merely those 

few hours in your head, 

when you are years in mine. 

maybe i was simply dreaming of 

all that we were and all that we could be - 

the life that i would live if ever i 

had the opportunity - 

when i glanced up across the room 

to see you smile and laugh without any restraint. 

guess i was simply 

// dreaming out loud. //

now, i'm here

wondering how i'm 

going to get myself back

h o m e.

listen // one || two || three

|| some instas from late aug. - early sept. ||