oh, no! i fell in love with you...

IN FRIENDSHIP...WE THINK WE HAVE CHOSEN OUR PEERS. IN REALITY A FEW YEARS' DIFFERENCE IN DATES OF OUR BIRTHS, A FEW MORE MILES BETWEEN CERTAIN HOUSES, THE CHOICE OF ONE UNIVERSITY INSTEAD OF ANOTHER...THE ACCIDENT OF TOPIC BEING RAISED OR NOT RAISED AT A FIRST MEETING -- ANY OF THESE CHANCES MIGHT HAVE KEPT US APART. BUT, FOR A CHRISTIAN, THERE ARE, STRICTLY SPEAKING NO CHANCES. A SECRET MASTER OF CEREMONIES HAS BEEN AT WORK. CHRIST, WHO SAID TO THE DISCIPLES, "YE HAVE NOT CHOSEN ME, BUT I HAVE CHOSEN YOU," CAN TRULY SAY TO EVERY GROUP OF CHRISTIAN FRIENDS, "YE HAVE NOT CHOSEN ONE ANOTHER BUT I HAVE CHOSEN YOU FOR ONE ANOTHER." THE FRIENDSHIP IS NOT A REWARD FOR OUR DISCRIMINATING AND GOOD TASTE IN FINDING ONE ANOTHER OUT. IT IS THE INSTRUMENT BY WHICH GOD REVEALS TO EACH OF US THE BEAUTIES OF OTHERS." 

// C.S. LEWIS, THE FOUR LOVES // 

||| self-portraits for the delight self-portrait challenge ||| 

do you believe in love at first sight? 
asking this question is like asking, "do you believe everyone you've ever met in your entire life is merely a coincidence: that your teachers, your college professors, your friends, the person who brewed this morning's caramel macchiato, the clerks who ring up and bag your groceries, even your family - who is knit only by the thickness of blood and title of "relative" - are all brought together by your own judgement or purely by chance?"

i don't believe in love at first sight &
(neither do fate, destiny, nor coincidence
tempt me to give up my future to their careless premonitions)
the eyes can be so deceiving at times and only care to rest upon 
what the world calls "beautiful." 

i do believe in pure connections, though.
when two people meet each other, 
and they simply click. 
heart-felt, raw, authentic, good old-fashioned connections. 
not exclusive clicks,
not arranged meetings,
not even poetically romantic moments
- impromptu ones even the stars couldn't foresee. 
moments that blow you over into present-timing and 
you simply know you're meant to be together.

and maybe the connection is due 
to the fact 
they are the one who wondrously makes you smile...effortlessly;
the one who puts the awkward butterflies to ease 
only for them to erupt all over again, seconds later, in rapid excitement
or enthusiasm over your favorite book or pastime;
the one who fascinates you by their love of languages 
or cravings of wanderlust they are determined to satisfy; 
the one you somehow know
you've been waiting to meet for a very very long time.

no, I don't believe in love at first sight. 
i do, however, believe in kindreds;
life-long as well as ones who slip out of your life as quickly as they slipped in.
i believe in "aha! oh, there you are!" moments.
i believe in being able 
to fall in love 
with people's quirks and personalities - 
conversations, smiles, interests, passions, jokes -
people's stories
even at the very first meeting.

no, i don't believe in love at first sight.
i believe in a world that continues revolving
because God graciously places kindreds, soul mates, and life-long friends
in your life at the most unexpected of times. 

______________________________________________________________________________________________

tell me about your kindred spirits. how/where did you meet?  
un || deux || trois  
xx 
*inspired by a handsome chap i met at last friday's dance and this song. 

awake.

Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light.

ephesians 5:14

Springtime is the land awakening. The March winds are the morning yawn. 

:: Lewis Gizzard :: 

and i've learned that it's okay that we all love a little differently
we all awake some type of wonderful enchantment in each other
like the march breezes bring sprays of luscious lilacs to bloom
in the most overlooked corners of the town
but if you breathe deeply enough
you might catch a sigh of summer.

'ello, spring. good to see ya. 
xx

an essay of forgotten stills || tent city reenactment 19(20)13

:: all stills taken with an iPhone {either mine or mum's} with VSCO ::

we don't have civil war reenactments in these parts. no, we re-live an era when farmers were growing fruit for the soldiers in the Great War raging in Europe, Mr. Randolf Hurst was a common face to stumble upon in a crowd, and barn dances - nothing fancy - were the highlight after the week's biddings.  families from all over the States, Canada, and Europe came to stake their claim in california's hills, dotted with wildflowers; living and accomplishing business in canvas tents while the houses they would someday call home were being built. this is the story of how we relived a hundred year's worth of history. 

||| after the awards ceremony...it was a great thrill and honor to win for my second and final time :) ||| 

the weather was altogether balmy and autumn-like. dreamy morning sunbeams splashed in little pools on the velvety carpet of grass. octobers had always been good to me with birthday celebrations and disneyland trips, but one of my favorite highlights was always the day we would don on 1900's outfits and reenact an era long gone by. the sleepy morning soon slipped into a rambunctious afternoon. strands of music from the mudskippers band weaved through the crowd; while newies shouted announcements, the anvil pounded from the smithy, and laughter floated amidst the excited guests composed the cacophony of noises. arm in arm with one of my dearest friend, we greeted guests warmly and relished a sarsaparilla at the end of a very long day.

even in another time period, dressed in lace and gloves, i felt at home. and i will miss octobers in cali dearly.
thank you for the best of times, tent city.
xx 
postscript // view more stills from this photographer. 

my mind is a nebulas & my thoughts are constellations that i can't hope to comprehend.

there is triumph announced in the declaration, "I am afraid no longer," but there is so much bravery breathed when someone says simply, "I am afraid." not expecting judgements or relief. simply trusting that the world will stir in recognition at the sound of three simple words. "I am afraid."

and to be frightfully honest, I am. I'm afraid. I am afraid you're going to forget me. I'm afraid that we are forgetting each other already. each day steals another one of my precious memories of you. each day steals us farther from who we used to be. I'm afraid of what these years do to us. no matter what we promise aloud, they etch us. they change us. they pull us apart. they mold us. one day, i feel we will meet each other and never breath a hello, we'll be strangers with a lot of memories flashing in our  eyes in that brief moment of recognition. each day I hold my breath in anticipation of seeing you again; each day I hold my breath in anxiety wondering how much this year has changed the both of us. 

"where are you running to?" you may ask now. the sweetest word in the english language is "belonging." and i guess that's where i'm headed. whether or not these stars will always lead me back to you is what i await to discover.
xx