Refocus|a spring haitus.

i. inspiration {or lack thereof}

I have learned that the month of march has a clever skill in stowing inspiration away with her frequent icy mornings, dull happenings, flighty weather fits, and empty calendar events. 'tis an in between month. after spring's parade has made her announcement in february, the earth holds her breath in march awaiting for something vivacious and new. and then april alights. the air heavy with rain stimulates inspiration so much so that one can't help but hold onto it until another "uninspired state" comes in the future. 

ii. a return to simplicity

the other afternoon, I had a lovely long chat with a good friend of mine. in fresh air thick with spring sunshine, we were dreaming of how lovely it would be to someday own a plot of land which would allow a jersey cow for raw milk and rabbits for spinning yarn and an all year garden and simply living a simple old-fashioned life. a return to simplicity. but these past few days I have been reflecting upon our conversation {and the main basis thereof}, and thought that a return to simplicity doesn't have to be a future reverie but an outlook of life in the present. indeed, we don't have the land for a milk cow and although my rabbit sheds like crazy homemade yarn isn't going to be spun anytime soon, but we have so much that God has given us; and we make so little time to savor each simple moment. and of course keeping dreams alive is part of living, true living, but living in the clouds {at least for me} leaves me restless and doesn't allow me to appreciate present beauty.       

iii. real living

lemme be honest for a moment {run now while you still can to avoid the following lengthy lecture that makes little to no sense}: blogging and I have been a bit at odds of late. really life itself is screaming to me to be shifted. to be viewed differently. to be lived differently. I want to try my hand at a variety of intricate beautiful things that I want to apply to my blogging but at the same time, the time it takes to blog hasn't allowed me to do {make up your mind silly blog!!!}. gardening. fashion. living a full and healthy life. the value of documenting for myself and truly myself. - the hill of opportunity has been scaled but what view on top remains to be discovered. and sometimes, in the midst of the din of determining whether or not to climb that hill, it feels like I don't know if I am either trying to impress or express. I want to appreciate art for myself and not to impress peers, and truly find the style{s} I'm most comfortable with. maybe blurry will be my style. or sharp as a tack. clean and organized vs. insanely messy? old-fashioned or modern? heaven knows right now. but I want to change all that. I want to change being so unsure of myself and where I want to go and what I want to be. I want to be inspired and go adventuring in my own backyard and store a myriad of stories to tell when I return. I want to refocus. 

so I will bid adieu for a time in hopes that all of you have a lovely spring and easter. 

xx, m'lovlies.  

The Girl in her Garden

postscript :: don't be shy to leave a question or two while I'm gone as I hope to film a Q & A vlog pretty soon. ;) 

everyone has a song in their life to claim as their own... and ever since I was a little girl, "amazing grace" has rung through my lifetime as being my personal "theme" song {if one can call it that}. in fact, in our small church, teasing glances and the mischievous twinkling of eyes of other attendees is a bit difficult to miss, whenever the worship group sings any song that the word "grace" comes up or that of "amazing grace" in particular; and having grown a bit older, I always feel a bit awkward playing the tune on my violin in front of people {although my daddy tries very hard to force me to do it *wan smile*}. but when you really truly ponders upon one simple word: 

g r a c e. 

what a feeling overcomes you when we think of of God's merciful grace for us! 

>>----------->

I am adopted. adopted by the Lord's grace into a godly family who had so much love to share. adopted by God's grace into the family of Christ.  before she even knew of my existence, mum always knew my name was to be grace. and so it was. by God's grace, I am here. writing this muddle of a post that I have wanted to write for so long a time, but the words and timing never seemed quite right. by God's grace, I am not alone. not a poor, wandering orphan girl still in China, lost and blind - or with a different family in the states likewise just as lost in the depths of darkness.

I suppose, "amazing grace" has been my life-long "theme" because the Lord chose me out of millions of orphans to be taken from a land of darkness, the land of the lost. to be found. to remind me the Lord Almighty always has the most amazing plan. I didn't deserve it, and to be honest sometimes I stare into a void of disbelief as I am simply a nobody. nobody special or extraordinary. simply an ordinary sixteen year old girl who drops almost everything that her hands can manage to grasp or laughs at the most awkward of times. to this day, I struggle to understand how He could choose me out of millions who don't have the opportunity to feel any love - who are still lacking the acknowledgment of the overwhelming love of our Father to be so blessed as to stand where I am to-day. but I am here. by God's grace. for such a time as this I am here. and so overwhelmed with awe and gratefulness. 

God's grace is infinite. it is extended to every single human being in this world who will accept it. it is found in the life-changing and the minute happenstances in life, so do share...in what way has the Lord revealed His grace to you in your own life? 

Lovingly,

The Girl in the Garden

we solve crimes, i blog about it, she forgets what sanity is {and i did too}.

I've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn. And we are lead to those who help us most to grow, if we let them, and we help them in return. Well, I don't know if I believe that's true, but I know I am who I am today because I knew you. Who can say that I've been changed for the better, but because I knew you. I have been changed

for good. 

-Glenda, "For Good" from the Broadway musical Wicked

+ it was letting our hair down in the breezy SoCal weather.
+ it was at the most magical place on earth. 
+ it was sherlockian {obviously}.
+ it was mimicking british accents and quoting our favorite show non-stop.
+ it was excited squeals from doctor who fans who were the first to acknowledge a die-heart sherlockian.
+ it was trying new things like chocolate covered bananas, turkey legs, and pineapple dole whips {not all at once, mind you}.
+ it was frightening supposedly "scary" tower of terror attendants by our fangirling fancies.
+ it was late night picnics catered by my favorite italian restaurant and a cuppa of tea to stimulate our crime solving genius.
+ it was reminiscing over the good times spent at the happiest place on earth and dreaming up future summer adventures.
+ it was random outbursts of laughter and much mind reading as we attempted to not just see but observe.
+ it was impromptu singing in the spotlight to our favorite disney songs like no one was listening {I did notice a few amused looks cast our way, but after the time we had, one would get accustomed to them *smile*}.
+ it was murmuring "we have gone absolutely, utterly, and hopelessly insane," but having the time of our lives.
+ simply put, it was my dearest faraway kindred spirit and I. together. at the happiest place on earth. disneyland.  

----------------------------------------------------

our times together never seem to be quite enough. sanity? calm? those words are banished for the time being when I'm with this girl {whether that's a compliment or an insult - go ask her yourself}. but in all honesty, I could not imagine comprehending where I would be or what I would be without her. she's the girl who sparked this mad obsession {to which my family will never forgive}. the girl who started my craving for strawberries n' cream tea. the girl whose smile can brighten anybody's day and whose laugh has a magical effect on people {no joke, she makes people amazingly comfortable [and that's not just coming from her bestie]}. she's the girl whom I have come to call not merely my best friend but a true sister at heart. 

and she's the girl who will forever be my dearest Johanna W.

  

what's your favorite thing to do with your crazy best friend?
xx | the girl in the garden.

>> find what you want to be and go be it.

she was happy for them. really truly happy. happy that they had found their voice and overnight they became worth noticing. but deep within her soul, she wanted to be just as happy for herself as well...

she wasn't the type of girl with the perfectly smooth face or the one with the messy bun pinned to her temples or the one with kinfolk tucked under her arm or the one or the one who's website was plastered all over the blogosphere. no, she was the type of girl with the long, thick flowing tresses that half of the time, she couldn't figure how to manage and the one who preferred to spend hours on end plotting birthday and christmas present crafts months before the occasion like she had all the time in the world {which really wasn't the case} and the one who had a half empty cuppa tea growing cold on the table, stained with a distinct little circle where the last one was put. and she wanted to be happy that that was simply her life.

she craved joy just as her bare arms craved the thoroughly warmed sunbeams after a day spent in of doors or like the first drops of rain after an especially dry spell. she wanted to be happy that spring always came early and warm in her little corner of the world, even though intense allergies were not following far behind. happy that she could be planning her summer vegetable garden beds while others in the world shivered under white blankets of ice. happy that she had friends, albeit miles away. happy that adventure was not too faraway. not settling for how things were when she knew she could rightly change them or wasting all her time wishing for how things should be. just simply happy. 

and after awhile, when she reflected on all the happiness around her. she felt it. being really truly happy. and she wished it to stay.

xx | the girl  who wanted to be was happy in the garden.
postscript :: thank you so much for the love on the last post! I most definitely want to have more "community" posts like that in the future. what are your thoughts?

you do count. you've always counted.

Are you okay? Don't just say you are, because I know what that means—looking sad when you think no one can see you. -- Molly Hooper, from this

I know do not ask this often enough but...how are you? how has life been fairing? no, really. I want to know, and because honestly, there seems to be not enough people who even take the time to care. I know I don't ask often enough because I don't see you in person. in "real" life we may put it. but that doesn't mean you are not there. that doesn't mean you're just a screen; just a few scrambled words within a comment form that comes up occasionally. because without you, I wouldn't be here. this garden wouldn't be anything but a blank screen.

so many times the focus of blogging becomes a self-centered central and merely a place to go higher up in the levels of fame - a confidence booster to be assured that what the author is doing truly matters. to anyone.
because we humans crave that. to matter. to be noticed. to be admired. to be loved by anyone. to be acknowledged and appreciated. to count. we'll go to great lengths to be noticed as such, worrying about publishing perfection or writing something heart-stopping or even posting every other day of the week. and we've become a bit talented in being able to hide what emotions really enrage within our minds; we have learned how to bury every quirk and talent and interest that we find no one would ever understand - ever care to take the time to understand - just to be noticed and accepted as "one of them." but I have learned, I will never be one of them, so why aspire towards that?

so, dearheart. how are you? because, I really want to know, and frankly, because it sometimes seems nobody takes the time to care to find out anymore.

xx | the girl in her garden.

postscript :: things might be a bit quiet around here this coming week, but dontcha fret your pretty little head... it just means a lots of stories are being developed at the moment. ;)